Do you value yourself?
Hello, this is Vaidotas writing from a wooden cabin in the woods.
Let’s talk about self-worth. Going through different stages of life, I’ve felt very differently. And that lasted for quite a while. Because I let others decide my worth. In other words, I believed more in what others said about me than in what I knew about myself. Other people's opinions were more important than my own. Somehow others seemed more important in my life than I was.
I remember when THE ROOP was just starting out and we were releasing music videos to the public. First, we had to find people who would film them almost for free because we had no money. But we’d give away our very last cents. Then, when the premieres came, we’d send out press releases and invite our followers to watch and listen to our new works.
I’ll be honest — almost every time, the message about the new song wouldn’t break through the information noise, and very few people knew about us. Only a very small group would actually watch the video. Inside, it felt like I’d go from an uplifting mood straight into smashing my face on a concrete floor, lying there bleeding, thinking, “Why am I even trying?”
And it went on like this for years. As if that wasn’t enough, it was really hard to get gigs. And when we did… okay, let me tell you… I especially remember a few shows very vividly. One of them was in Kaunas city. 10 people came. And it was a spacious music club, so everything looked pathetic.
Before the show, I was peeking through the curtain from backstage, trying to pull myself together, saying, “These people aren’t to blame that others didn’t come, so we have to give them our all.” We managed, but it wasn’t joyful for ourselves.
Another show was in Klaipėda city — one of our “Ghosts” album presentations — in a small club. The club didn’t even manage to put up our promotional posters. They just didn’t inform the locals we were coming. That evening, around 12 people came, 4 of whom were our invited guests.
It was agreed the club would pay us a small fee and give us drinks for free. But suddenly the bar said they wouldn’t be serving us any drinks. And after the concert, the owner simply disappeared.
One of the bartenders came over with a few small bills and said that’s all we’re getting tonight. And that was just a small part of the already tiny fee we were promised. That night we felt like vagabonds, like we were worthless.
So how did we stay together and not break down? My personal philosophy helped me. First of all, I realized I can’t work any other job. I tried. I was a diligent office worker, even became the CEO of a small company, but it didn’t bring me any joy. I even fell into depression. I understood I had to follow my path, no matter what happens. Because I didn’t want to go back to that depression and apathy — it’s a scary place. But things weren’t working out with music either, so my mood was bad. I felt like I hit a dead end.
One day I clarified my thoughts and built this philosophy for myself:
I create for myself
I allow myself to make mistakes
Failure is just a lesson I haven’t learned yet. What do I need to learn?
Things only get done by doing them
This is my path and I will follow it to the best things!
My worth does not depend on others, because they’re not all-knowing. Maybe they’re wrong for not appreciating me?
I have myself and I will not abandon myself
I believe the Universe is leading me where I need to go
By the way, disconnecting from the city always helps with stress and overthinking. Being surrounded by nature grounds me and clears my thoughts. This cabin and the forest around it are my creative and peaceful place.
